Maggots vs Elders (Book of Mormon Style)

 An account of the wars and contentions among the Elders and Maggots of land of the house of Trébol

And it came to pass in the commencement of the twenty and second day of the reign of the Elders in the house of Trébol, I did arise at the sound of our alarm, even 6:20AM to go and workout, when to my terror I did behold that which did cause my soul to grieve exceedingly. For behold, in our kitchen, upon our floor, in a dark puddle of grossness whose filthiness was far beyond any filth I had hitherto seen in all of my days, a great and terrible army of Maggots was gathered together against us. For unbeknownst to us, some previous Elders had left a bag of rotting somethings that dripped into this puddle of filth, that did allow a place for this army to gather against us.

And not only in this puddle had they gathered, but in the nighttime they had spread, even to the greater part of all the land of our house, even to the kitchen, and to the laundry room, and to the living room, and even by smaller numbers to our bedrooms.

And thus it was that I was forced to forsake my plans to workout and instead I had to contend with these our enemies who had invaded our land for the purpose of inslaving us to their grossness. And it came to pass that after removing the bag of grossness, thereby cutting off the supplies and the food of the Maggotites, and calling upon my brother in war Elder Hales, He did say unto me "Let us take of the bleach which we have prepared for the use of cleansing this land, and let us pour it upon this filth that we might cleanse this our house, and defend our people, and our rights, and our country, and our religion" And thus we did dump the greater part of our bleach upon this land of darkness that we might defend ourselves from the Maggotites. 

And it came to pass that they did in a body run upon our bleach, in the which, the greater number of them were slain, but the remainder of them broke through and fled from us. Therefore we were forced to meet them with the bottom of our sandles, even by stepping on and kicking them. And there were others who did wander into clumps of lint where they become stuck and died, and there were others who did wander outside, and there were others who did wander into the webs of spiders where they were destroyed, and there were others who did wander into forbidden paths and were lost. 

Nevertheless after destroying the greater part of the army of the Maggotites that had been gathered in the puddle of filth, we still had many hiding in the other places of our land which we had to fight.

And now behold, there was also at this time another people in the land of the house of Trébol, the Antitites. (being so called after the name of their father Ant) Who did dwell in the outdoorishly room that doesnt really have a roof but still is part of our house, where we do the work of laundrying, known as the land of the Antitites. But it came to pass that when they saw the danger, and the many afflictions and tribulations which the Elders bore for them, they were moved with compassion and were desirous to take up arms in the defence of their country. Insomuch that they entered into a covenant to fight for the liberty of the Elders, yea, to protect the land unto the laying down of their lives, yea, even they covenanted that they never would give up their liberty, but they would fight in all cases to protect the Elders and themselves from the bondage of the Maggotites. And now behold, as they never had hitherto been a disadvantage to the Elders, they became now at this time a great support. For they took their pincers of war, and came out of their hills to assist us. Therefore we did take of our brooms and sweep the Maggotites out from each of our rooms of the house into the land of the Antitites, where the Antitites did come out in great numbers, yeah even more unumerable than the unumerable numbers of Maggotites, and they did devour the Maggotites. Yeah and my little band of Antitites did fight most desperately, yeah and not withstanding their smaller bodies, they were firm before the Maggotites and did administer death unto all those who opposed them. 

And it was after this manner of warfare of shoes and of brooms and of bleach and of spiders and of ants that we did finally destroy the Maggotites. And thus after the space of one morning, we did cleanse our house and once again restore peace to the lands of our inheritance.

THE END 

In case you couldn't tell I'm in the war chapters of the Book of Mormon right now.

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Pupusas: 45